Do you find it easy letting people down?
Do you have a penchant for lying?
Do you love being hated and needed?
Do you have exhaustive chronicles of lies to use at your discretion?
If you answered yes to all the questions, then you are in the right place.
Tailors… Forget them
“Unajua madam hii ni kazi ndogo, Kuja kesho. (Come tomorrow it will be done),” So smooth, you can’t sniff a lie.
In fact, it seems as if tailors always undergo a professional course in lying.
This is the twentieth time my tailor was making my head spine with,” Kujia kesho“, song.
I had mentally and physically prepared myself to pick up my dress and slay with it on Monday for our executive boardroom meeting.
But it seems fate had it……… I sighed, gave the tailor, “dare_play_with _me look and faded away angrily murmuring,” Sawa, kesho nitachukua hata kama hujamaliza. (Fine, if it’s not done by tomorrow, I will just take the undone parts”.
“Yes you have every right to be angry at me, you gave me these material three months ago but will be ready tomorrow”, said the tailor.
When a tailor says”Kujia kesho“, it can mean anything from between now and a 100 years to come.
During this period I had to re-examine my patient on this earth before contemplating on giving up.
Reminding myself that jail is not worth going for only a dress.
And as much as I was craving for my dress, I couldn’t take it because my tailor was still working on it.
Is it a universal problem? Or am I the only one who is experiencing it.?
So many delays, broken promises dodging calls e. t. c. It was time to start looking for a better Fundi, that is guided by virtues.
I just don’t get it, the first time I seal a business with a tailor, they are always on time, with no fake promises like Serpent in the Garden of Eden, that is if we were living in the Old Testament.
Anyway, the next day at exactly noon, I was headed towards my tailor’s small stuffy shop to get my dress.
At exactly 4 O’clock, I was seated put in his small shop with three other customers, whom I quickly assumed was on the verge of wanting their, “vitenge“, done.
I craned my neck to the tailor’s sewing machine, and I was relieved that he was working on my dress.
Having not made myself comfortable, a man angrily stormed into the shop. Inquiring about his shirt in his deep Luo accent.
“Fundi Ile sati niliwasa hapa, umemaliza? Loosely translates to, (Is my shirt done?”) he asked in anger, hands akimbo.
“Unajua uzi ya black iliisha, nikaona nishugulikie hii nguo ya madam, kwa sababu haihitaji uzi ya black“.
The way they sew excuses to make people wonder.
“My demons are baying for blood, I don’t know what will happen if I give them a go-ahead “, said the man.
I burst out with hefty laughter, knowing it was an empty threat to the tailor.
With pleading eyes, the tailor turned to me with a Let_me_finish_the_shirt before _i_get _a_share_of_his demon” look.
Sharing into the tailor’s problem, I gave him a go-ahead and turned to my phone with the man cursing and breathing fire.
Promising to deliver his best demons when he backs and the shirt is not done.
I realised that if I don’t put my foot on the ground and demand for my dress, the tailor would ride me and take his sweet time with my dress.
Two out of the three customers in the shop got up and promise to come back later.
I was determined through thick and thin to end the cat and mouse game with the tailor, so I stayed put.
Since it was going to take him quite some time to finish the shirt, I decided to step out of the shop for a drink and come back after some time.
When I came back, to my disbelief, I found the tailor’s shop closed. As the norm, the tailor didn’t pick up my calls.
And now am left to think that the most trustworthy and efficient fundi is the barber.
Because they actually get the work done immediately. But even come to think of it, suppose I leave my head, I would probably not find it shaved.
I would have to walk around headless for three months like in the case scenario of my dress.
Should we just take the Fundis to a private place with their equipment to get the work done?